Monday, January 30, 2012

On Mashup Monday: Groaning Pains edition


BRAAAINS. BRAAAAAAAINS. "No, we have to wait for this kid who wandered off, even she's obviously too stupid to be anything but a liability!" "Hey, while we're in Atlanta, you know what we should do? Not pick up some guns and non-shitty vehicles!" BRAAAAAINS. "Hey, let's give the unstable chick with a chip on her shoulder a firearm and a high-up place to sit!" BRAAAAAAINS. "Hey, has anyone else noticed that we aren't actually seeing more than about two zombies an episode anymore? And we're spending most of our time inside? And pretty much all we do is talk a lot? Like, a whole lot?" BRAAAAaaeugh.


The Walking Dead/Growing Pains

Aww. It warms the heart, and then pulls it out and eats it.

Friday, January 27, 2012

On Super Commando and the Funky Bunch


Mark "Invincible" "Entourage" "Date Night" Wahlberg has a message for all the families of passengers on Flight 93: Your loved ones died because they were pussies and didn't have the balls to judo-chop one of the terrorists and punch another one in the sternum so hard he flew all the way back into coach and blast another one with his eyeball-rays and choke the fourth one to death with the sheer force of his steely glare, then singlehandedly land the plane like Marky Mark totally would have if he'd been on board.
"If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn't have went down like it did," Wahlberg says. "There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, 'OK, we're going to land somewhere safely, don't worry.'"

Super Commando did issue an apology ("apology") via People saying that his statement was "irresponsible" and he's sorry that it "came off as insensitive." (Yeah, "came off as insensitive." It totally wasn't insensitive, but I can see how it might have sounded like it was.) Then, while his publicist was in the bathroom, he sneaked onto a radio show to keep digging a deeper hole. Radar has the transcript, but Celebitchy offers a more concise summary.
First, he would NEVER disrespect 9/11 families. Then he only disrespected the families because he's not really an actor, he's a tough dude from the streets and he just wasn't thinking. Then he just said that stuff because no one ever wants to talk to him about all of the charity work he does! Then he only said it because he was asked about it and he is forced to go wherever the interviewer wants to go. And finally, he only said that stuff because it's just the interviewer's interpretation.
"I'm really sorry." Say it with me, now, Super Commando: "I'm really sorry. I was shooting my mouth off, and it was completely wrong and insensitive." Got it?

"It was completely wrong and insensitive, but all I was trying to say was that--"

No, Super Commando! No!

"I'm really sorry."

There you go. Jesus, someone find his handlers. I think they're tied up in a closet somewhere.